Saturday, March 27, 2010

But I do love him

"Love is blind but marriage is an eye opener"

There are times, or may I say lots of time, I’ll get cold feet just thinking of marriage. It may sound ironic, eh dek ni cakap takut nak kawin, tapi ader blog pasal preparation dia nak kawin’ confuse confuse...
No, tak confuse. I suker planning, ask all my frens, I love to plan, to prepare, I’m not the spur of the moment person, I’m not the sembarang boleh kind of person, OK can person, I hate surprises, I love getting things in order, my way. I’m a checklist kind of person; my organiser is always in my bag. I took 1 month to plan my sis 21st birthday bash from the location, the Marilyn Monroe cake, the position of the disco ball, the theme of the party, stuffs like that. So imagine the way I’ll go to plan for my own wedding.

I keep telling myself, am I really ready to get married??? Can I be a good wife? I doubt so. There was once I bawled my eyes out just thinking of life after marriage. I shudder. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the tuns, he completes me, my other half, I can’t imagine being with another person aside from him. He is my cinta monyet. My first love. But we are in a very comfortable place right now and I dun want to jinx it.

I go to work, he go to work, he sms, I reply, I call, he answered, He said he love me, I replied I love him more, we go on dates, we laugh, we make a fool of ourselves, he sing jiwang song out loud during our car ride, I'll correct the lyrics of his jiwang song during our car ride, he’ll asked me to shut up, I’ll ask him go kiss my ass, he’ll bite, I’ll punch, we hug, we kiss good bye, and I go home and tuck in into my comfortable bed, calling him before I doze off to lala land, he reminding me he loves me before I end for the day.

To me that is perfect, I’ll be happy if it continues for another 50 years.

I remind myself, that I’m in my last 20s this year. For the past few years, I had made a few mile stone that I can be proud off, I am so bersyukur for all the blessings, except for the goal of getting married at 27. I end up getting engaged at 27 and married my JOB instead. I work my ass off to pay my uni loan.
Why do I keep feeling this way, kenapa takut sangat nak kawin? Aside, that most of my cousins end up in divorce, I still believe that it is not jinx. I just think that its lack of preparation and religious knowledge.

It’s not like my parents will run away after I got married. Its not that my frens will stay away from me when I got married. I hope not, I still want my movies, sakae, mc cafe session with nurra, fai and the girls. My meet ups with the dings dongs. And my coffee sessions with mar. Bukannya bakal mentua I tu mcm dari citer Ibu mentua ku. The tuns mum is such a wonderful soul, she is so gentle and so shy, I actually had to coax her to open up and get comfortable with me. I am a people person, just dump me anywhere and I can mingle my way through. The tuns had never complaint, always giving me the ‘i like’ signal, mcm kat facebook ;p The tuns never was harsh to me, he seldom raise his voice, never ever raise his hand, always encouraging, never complaining. I’m not saying that he is perfect, he had his flaws, he had his bad times, but for the past decade and a half, I’ve seen him grow into a beautiful responsible man, he prove to me he is fully on for the future, our future.

I had the answers a few weeks back, I am too comfortable with my life. I am too selfish to share it with another. I am sufficiently blessed with materials, what I want I get, what I need I grab. Gosh I am so anal. I have both my parent’s full attentions and affections. I don’t see the need to add additional load and responsible on my shoulder. Mum once said, ‘Sampai bila nak bawah tetek ibu? Sampai bila ibu kena siapkan sarapan everytime nak pergi kerja?’

The dad ever said, ‘Nak lagi happy? Nikah. Nak lagi kaya? Nikah Nak rahmat tuhan? Nikah. Bernikah membuka pintu rezeki dan rahmat ’

I’ve read a few books on Muslim Marriage, to have a better understanding, to improve and to prepare myself to be a good muslim’s wife. I’m glad that the tun is also in the same path.

Marriage in Islam offers tranquillity to the soul and peace to the mind, so that man and woman may live together in an atmosphere of love, mercy, harmony, co-operation, mutual advice and tolerance, and lay the foundation for raising a Muslim family in a nurturing, sound environment.

I opened up my inbox and received an email from the the tuns, I’m sure he cut and copy it from somewhere but it still brought tears to my eyes and I can forever be sure that he is the one and always been, for me.

'In Islam, the righteous woman is viewed as one of the joys of this life, and a great blessing to a man, for he comes home to her and relaxes after facing the struggles of life, and finds with her incomparable peace, comfort and pleasure. The Prophet (S.A.W.) spoke only the truth said:

“This world is just temporary conveniences; Shall I tell you the most precious thing a man can have is a righteous wife.” (Muslim) '


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